Our big day... releasing all the bad stuff...

Car troubles didn't hold us back... we stayed here close by.. instead of going to "Hell's Canyon" we went to "LUCKY Peak Reservoir". It was very windy blowing our balloons everywhere, so we came down a ways to the river.  The ceremony of releasing our fears, through the notes on our balloons began. It was touching and cleansing. The kids released "my black eye, my tube in my mouth, the vibe of everyone at the hospital (fear), the condition I was in, worry, etc." Nick said, "Letting go of it all, just moving on". I released my fear of "normal safe activities, as well as my fear of succeeding again, self-doubt and confidence, sadness, fear, worry, being let down...letting it go to once again live my life to the fullest." :) It was a great experience for us as a family. Although all of these things are not literally contained in the balloons we felt the symbol of this act was significant. Watching my family as they gazed on the balloons was heart warming to me. We kept saying.... "There it goes..."  it felt good to let it go. Then we played... skipped rocks, threw in the line, and fished as a family again. It was so cool to see Nick back doing what he loves, pinching a worm, baiting his hook, and loving every minute.

The night before, I made a thank-you sign, and reflected on the thousands of people who stepped in to ease our burdens through this year. Writing names of people who prayed for us, lifted us, cleaned for us, cooked for us, cheered for us, did fundraisers for us, blogged for us, the list went on and on. Interestingly, the song "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban was blazing loud. My tears kept falling on my cute butterfly sign, and another name would be wetted. My heart was so full, it could've burst. Appreciation is an understatement. Although the sign is full of names, I know that this isn't a 10th of the people who effected our lives this year... for the better. Thank you SINCERELY with ALL of my heart.

Nick had to get back to work, so we headed home. I stayed home with the kids, we just played and had fun. That night Nick took us to my favorite restaurant Sawadee Thai. We laughed and enjoyed ourselves. At 7:20 we recognized this was the exact time a year ago that my accident happened. Everyone around the table just smiled. We all knew this year did not kill us. We are victors. Cheers!

PS If anyone is interested in what Idaho Power has done to improve the safety of the culvert... here is a pic!

Car trouble...

Woke up with car trouble. Not going to chance the 6hour drive there and back. So, we're letting the kiddos sleep a couple more hours, then we will fish and have our celebration locally. No troubles will stop us ;)

One Year Celebration

We made it. ONE YEAR!! Today has been quite solemn and surreal. Every moment of my day I've been thinking.. "last year I was... doing this and doing that getting ready for my trip to Hell's Canyon. I was cooking chicken and cutting vegetables, packing up the food, stuffing the cooler, grabbing my comfy pillow, camera.. I couldn't forget that! I needed photos of my Man and his gigantic salmon. Naively and might I say awesomely ready for an incredible, fun filled adventure. Actually at times I've felt through this year like I was foolish and careless to throw so much caution to the wind. CAUTION was always my motto, and the last couple of years I have broke out of my cage of so much fear. What happened happened. Am I better off today because of it. Yes. I have been humbled and no matter where I go in this life, I hope to ALWAYS have this lesson burned into my skull... and belly... I am the dust of the earth. But I am magnified from this experience. Thank you so much for the endless love, relief, donations, and prayers. Who knew fishing was an extreme sport?! Surprise! The Hilton family will forever be changed... but for the better.  Tomorrow we will revisit the very spot from which I fell. Tonight each of my children as well as Nick and I wrote on slips of paper what we want to "let go" of from this year, and accident. We've fastened them to balloons and will release them literally as well as figuratively. This is a symbol to us. I am excited!

I Take My Hair Off To You...

"When are you going to cut your hair?!?" Has been the most frequently asked question, next to "so are you 100% healed?" Cutting of a woman's hair or loosing of a woman's hair can be a big deal..In Arizona,a sociological study found that people feel "you are your hair" Whether you agree with this or not, there are many that feel this way. It creates an identity, a security, and a way of life crisis, when something is forcing you to lose or change your hair. Ask most people in your circle of friends, and they would be terrified to meet you at the salon and chop! Even though it grows back, many women, think they are not strong enough to handle a change. I was one of them. But my reasons for keeping my hair on the left side, and A Renewed Image keeping me in extensions as well as a topper go deeper than a follicle. As many of us are prepping to celebrate our war hero's and ALL military, I have loved the reflection of so many TV shows about them. I solute them, and am SO grateful for their service. Last week before the "cutting of the hair" I was on a treadmill reading the subtitles to a talk show about war heros. There was a gentleman on there who has PTSD (post traumatic stress syndrome) he said something extremely prophetic to me. "The man who I was, died on the battlefield. I am a new man, a different man. That man is literally gone, dead to me". Oh my, this made me so sad for him, but I could REALLY empathize with him. The girl I was pre-accident, is different than the girl I am today. In SO MANY ways I miss her, and long to integrate many of her good traits into who I am now. It is a process, and I am working through it. Many of you will see yourself in his words as well. Every season of your life, is a "new life".... a married life, a single life, a mother, a father, an empty nesting life, etc. We are continuously morphing into different people. I consider this one of my transformations. I have GRASPED onto my hair, because I am GRASPING onto the old me. I have not been ready to move on and let her go. My hair was a symbol. Admittedly, I cried desperately in the shower as I removed the extensions, and afterward, into the night. Not because it is my "HAIR" because it is the me I knew and recognized that would be changing once more. Letting out the emotion was really good for me. My toes touched the hot water, and it all began. The extensions came out easily, the glue and adhesive, not so easily. Nick once more was tending to my head, olive oil and a comb, then back with my head in the sink, rinsing this time with dish soap to degrease my hair. My Honey and I showed up at the hair appointment, and were greeted by 2 of my best friends, Kim and Kaley. We walked into the salon like an entourage. I checked in at the front desk, and she couldn't find me. She searched the system, I was no where to be found. IMMEDIATE tears were streaming without my control and power. "SERIOUSLY?!?" Would I have the courage to come back another day? They reconciled with me, and got us in 30 minutes later. phew... I put my hair in the hands of the stylist. With all confidence in the hand with the scissors, it began. First the cutting of the pony tail, you know, the one that has been with me throughout my fall, trauma, hospital, surgeries, the one that my little girl played with and would run through her little chubby fingers. Please don't roll your eyes. I know it is "just hair" but literally it was an accumulation of my year. Then the color doused all over, then the cut began. Holding it together, I had faith that I would be fine, and would like the new look, and the new me. So, here it is.... I like it a lot... (as Lloyd Christmas would say) It is new, it is scary, and truthfully I have not washed it since it was cut on Friday. I hope I can style it:) Here is to a new day, a new life, and a new look! I stood on the ledge and jumped once more....